Coffee Break (Critique: Solmare Publishing)
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Solmare Publishing provided its detailled critique on "Coffee Break", one of the entries to the International Comic/Manga School Contest 2021.
View entry
Coffee Break
Pen name: Hypnodrama
School: Universidade Católica Portuguesa
Country/Region: Portugal
Language: English
View Critiques
Page 13
3rd panel on page 13
This is a scene where the big brother is talking to his little brother, but he talking to him while looking to the outside of the page. It would have been more impactful if the main character had spoken facing the camera (the younger brother being us, the reader).
Page 14
Since page 13 is the climax, it would have been better to carefully draw the changes and flow of emotions.
For example, the younger brother starts to cry when he hears “Then stop" in the last fame on page 13, but it it is unclear as to whether it was a feeling of anger or embarrassment.
I think it would be easier to organize the flow of emotions if the his feelings were revealed before this scene, and then connected to this scene later.
Page 15
In the transition between page 14 and 15, the change in the brother's emotions is too sudden. (Since the frame on page 15 is a continuation of the two panels on page 13, it is not visually connected to page 14)
Why not try setting up an exchange between the brothers in between pages 14 and 15 to help sort out his feelings and regain his self-confidence.
Page 16
Since the ending is about the brother regaining his full confidence and returning to his daily life, you can leave it as it is, but it might have also been interesting to see how he has changed, like, the brother smilingly accepting the drink brought by the waitress and saying "thank you".
Solmare Publishing(NTT Solmare Corp.)
International Comic/Manga School Contest 2021 Winners
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