Ever Glory Publishing Co., Ltd., sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2022, gave their critique for the entry, "CASSINI."
Pen name: TURSH
School: SINGAPORE POLYTECHNIC
This work was created using scientific knowledge and told through anthropmorized versions of the spacecrafts Cassini and Huygens. Although it may just illustrate the difference in how a machine communicates with a human, the way Cassini and Huygens communicate with each other is represented by icons, making some aspects difficult to understand.
However, as a result of the exploratory mission, the icon's representation is easy to understand:
In terms of the story, I would like to see more focus on the progress of the mission itself. For example, the portion of the projected route (red circle) that passes through the meteor belt:
I'd also like to see a little more thought put into how the storyboarding is presented:
You can better show a sense of distance by having the separation between the two spacecrafts combined (red circle) and depicting the scene of their arrival to Saturn on the next page.
If your creative motive is to explain history, I would like to see the end of Cassini's mission expressed in terms of an actual cause:
With its fuel gone, the spacecraft will gradually approach Saturn's satellite, Enceladus, and perform its final mission to burn up in Saturn's atmosphere. This ensures that any contaminates by unknown organisms that may be present will also burn up in the case if Cassini were to impact the planet's surface.
The story appears to show that Cassini was forced by Earth to terminate his mission in order to approach Enceladus of his own volition.
As a reader who is unaware of space exploration history, I would like you to introduce the full story of the Cassini-Huygens mission in text at the end of the story, or add keywords so that readers can search for more in-depth knowledge.
Overall, the work describes the origin, history, results, and completion of the "Cassini-Huygens space-research mission." The artwork is cute and keeps your interest. I think that if you improve the way you present the story, your work overall will also improve.
EVER GLORY PUBLISHING CO.,LTD.
International Comic/Manga School Contest 2022 Winners