PAGPAG (Critique: SHUEISHA)

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SHUEISHA, sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2022, gave their critique for the entry, "PAGPAG."


View entry

PAGPAG

Pen name: kanins

School: Victory Christian International School

Country/Region: Philippines

Language: English


View Critiques

1) These depict a number of different experiences in a single day, but it’s hard to tell how much time passes during all these events. It could be a few days or a few hours, so it might help to have some dialogue or a sunset, to help your readers grasp the passage of time here.


2) After the action of page 1, it felt a bit sudden for him to go back to the car and talk about Alissa.
I think it would have been more natural for him, after reminiscing about his memories of Alissa in high school, for him to talk about his feelings about her after she passed away.


3) I think that the event that causes the characters to come to their final realizations is when he goes to pick up his grandchild.
A scene where you could feel the life force of the grandchild, leading to the main character’s final realization would have been very impactful here. A cute picture of the kid would be enough to move your readers.


4) I would have liked to have seen more of an evolution in the expressions from the main character, who goes on to live his life after his encounter with the ghost girl, who changed his outlook on life. Especially in the last frame, showing the character’s expression while he went about living his normal life would have ended the story on a stronger note.


SHUEISHA


International Comic/Manga School Contest 2022 Winners


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