KADOKAWA, sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2023, gave their critique for the entry, " Lost ".
School: INFORMATION AND COMMUNICATION TECHNOLOGY HIGH SCHOOL
I feel like this was very well drawn even now. You convincingly portray the emotions of this girl who is worrying about her future and changing environment. However, overall you could have pushed these expressions even further. Your rendering skills still need to improve, but they show great potential. Your overall drawing will improve when you look at and break down the elements of backgrounds or objects like cars. The way that you will grow in your drawing is if you "observe closely, understand what you see, and then draw that".
Maybe the reader can understand that the character has gotten on the wrong bus by announcing where it is going, but instead you rely too much on the bottom panel where the character is explaining the mistake. It would be better to make it flow like this: announcement > character panics > bottom panel is the character worrying about it.
This story features a character who is bad at acting proactively, but it would set her personality up better if she heard an announcement and then panicked inside.
Here, to highlight the liveliness of the street with a big panel later on, I would like you to use a few frames of the two of them getting off together.
The two of them standing up, leaving the bus, their subsequent arrival at the stop, and the main character's face (surprise when they get off) could be used to connect to the big panel of the street.
① The polar opposites are pretty clearly shown here, but if you had her in a more concrete monologue about herself and then compare herself to the other girl in terms of actions, then the reader would agree with this comparison more.
I am this and that and this....
This person is this and that and this...
② This panel highlights this contest's theme and would be better bigger. If this were traditional comics, I would use an entire page. I still think it's a great drawing, but you should make this bigger and draw the flowers clearer to make this more of a statement panel.
I understand that not drawing the nose and mouth was part of the expression of what is happening with the girl, but conversely, drawing out all parts of her expression would make the reader understand her dilemma more.
This is well-drawn. You can see the uneasiness and enjoyment coming together. This shows the main character's inner feelings well.
I actually could not tell what the character was going through in these two panels. If this is that she is having fun but then is struck again by her insecurities, then it would make sense to do three panels getting larger.
It would be clearer to go from having fun > getting reminded of her problems (panel A) > a face going a bit lackluster (B) and then leading into the conversation with the two of them.
① Here, the main character is struck by the girl's words, so it would be more impactful if you focused on her words instead of it in a panel, with the words in a large speech bubble with nothing else around them.
② In this panel we see her change of expression and surprise from this turning point in the conversation. Try making the ! a bit bigger and the panel bigger as well to show her face better.
Rather than being completely saved, the character feels lighter. This would have more impact if expressed with a front shot of her from the bust-up in a larger panel.
This is a wonderful drawing. This last scene shows us the change that has occurred in the shy girl with bangs covering her face at the beginning of the story into a more positive character thanks to the meeting with the other girl.