Lucia (Critique: BookLive)
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BookLive, sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2023, gave their critique for the entry, "Lucia".
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Lucia
Artist: Fù Dà Guì / 富大貴
School: Nihon Kogakuin
Country/Region: Japan
Language: Traditional Chinese
CRITIQUES
Proposal for pg. 1-3
① The movie situation
② A close-up of the man as she looks at him
③ The unexplained side profile close-up of the girl
④ Show ★ zoomed out
Put in lines from the movie in panels ①-④.
If you do that then it's understood that the two are watching a movie but she is watching him instead of the movie. If there was a monologue, even better!
The reader will be able to empathize with the situation more if they knew their relationship status. Are they dating? Are they a bit more than friends, or have they just started dating?
The line where she is wondering if he is just watching the movie comes suddenly so you should add an explanation for the reader, like "today was supposed to be a date at home".
"If I show him a boring movie maybe he will look at me instead of the movie" is that speculation?
Let the reader know.
Move it to Pg. 1
If you are going to have him ask "you're not watching?" then you should emphasize her not watching beforehand. The reason why she isn't watching is very important!!
- This part where we don't know if it's a dream or reality has amazing drawings, so you could dedicate more pages to this and have larger panels.
- I have no idea what this is and it's too bad.
- Her being surprised is very striking so I would want this to be a large panel.
This is good, I want it in a large panel.
This is the first time we know it's a date. Let the reader know the relationship in the beginning.
I would like a larger panel!!
BookLive
International Comic/Manga School Contest 2023 Winners
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