旅程 (Critique: KADOKAWA)
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Kadokawa, sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2022, gave their critique for the entry, "旅程."
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旅程
Pen name: Niello5
School: Chengdu University
Country/Region: China
Language: Chinese
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Page 1
This may sound like a general comment, but honestly speaking, this manga is very well done considering it is based on an existing manuscript. It’s actually so well done, I don’t feel like I need to make any corrections at all on how it is styled (composition, structure, etc.).
The intro picture is composed well, in a way that gives you a sense of the characters and the story. I would venture to say that if you are this good at drawing the lineart for the characters, you should be able to achieve a detailed finish (on the fabric and backgrounds), without relying on digital screentones. I definitely hope you can overcome this as it will help your readers to submerge themselves more deeply into the world of this story. Looking at the lineart, I get a strong feeling that the artist is very talented. So, if they make sure to fully develop that in all aspects of their work, the artist’s personality will be immediately apparent as soon as you open the page and pull you into the world. I have nothing but high hopes for this artist.
Page 2
I’m sorry to have to get so into minutiae like this, but considering the fantasy setting of the work and the physics of the situation, why did you decide to go with a something like tape instead of a cloth-gag here? It’s a really small detail, but as they say, a picture tells a thousand words, it would have elevated your work even more to pay attention to details like this. In building your worlds, show, don’t tell.
Page 3
Showing the plants and curtains get caught up by the magical vortex is a great details that shows your talent for creating a scene. What you’ve done here, by thinking of the consequences of each action in a scene is so critical. Well done.
Pages 8 & 9
1) I touched on this in the opening as well, but I can’t help but feel you could put a bit more effort into the backgrounds. Is the thinking behind this that you want to make your characters stand out more by having a simpler background? This is a fantasy world, so show off your talent here! The composition and characters are so good!
2) The best thing about this manga is that it doesn’t rely too much on dialogue or text and lets the story be told with pictures, through the composition, structure, and of course, the wonderful expressions and gestures of the characters. This manga has a wonderful power to entertain that goes beyond language.
KADOKAWA
International Comic/Manga School Contest 2022 Winners
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