La Joya Y La Maga (Critique: Solmare Publishing (NTT Solmare Corp.))



NTT Solmare Corp., a sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2022, gave their critique for the entry, "La Joya Y La Maga."

View entry

La Joya Y La Maga

Pen name: SXDBXY661

School: Escuela de Arte Dionisio Ortiz

Country/Region: Spain

Language: Spanish

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Page 6

1) Make this a smaller panel and draw the flicker of a finger or eye to show that the character is using magic.
2) Make this panel bigger and put in the surprised boy reacting to the knife melting from magic. It would bring more contrast to these panels.

To be in more continuity with the action, I would change the panel order:
3) Put in the magic user's threatening words.
4) Cut this and put in the close-up of the boy's frightened eyes in #5.
5) Change this to a panel of a finger up against the boy's throat.
If this were changed, it would show more fear and the impression he is drawing closer. Wouldn't that lead nicely to the boy breaking down in tears on the next page?

Page 7

In scene #1, we see the witch's stunned face and transformation to a less scary presence. It is well done.

1) After scene #1, put in a small panel of just her mouth sighing or something to give a pause.
2) Take away the narration box in #2 and have the witch lose interest and tell him, "You should leave" at #3.
3) Put #4, the boy crying, seeming to say wait and that he is hungry at #3.
4) Make the speech balloon at #4. The third panel could also be split into two.

5) Add in a pause before the 4th panel.
6) Change this to the boy wanting to eat but being apprehensive about it.
7) Add a line like "If you aren't going to eat, I'll take it away from you."
8) It would be good if, in response to the above, the boy scrambles to stuff the food into his mouth in another panel.
This would relieve the tension and make it more comical.

This page would then serve as a contrast from comical to serious as the boy explains his situation in the #1 and #2 scenes, which then overlap with the magic user's past experiences. We would get to see more of the inner workings of the magic user (before she became a magic user), which would lead to the connection between her and the boy.

Page 12

I think that you could express the narration in #1 and #2 with character lines or thoughts. Try to show more than tell.
1) You could add, "It's been a while since I have been home. One year passed quickly."
2) "So many things have happened, but I've also been able to complete years of research. It might have been thanks to that boy..."
Something like the above would have the main character talking and thinking, which would lead to remembering the journey and give a feeling of closure.

Put thought bubbles as close to the character as possible. Put it near #3 to get a look at the expression of the character right before reading it.

Page 13

It might be good to show the boy in front of the magic user at the end to portray how much he's grown in the past year and that now he can lead.

The narration box divided in two makes it too distracting. Please make it into just one box.

Solmare Publishing (NTT Solmare Corp.)

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