發光石 Glitter Stone (Critique: EVER GLORY PUBLISHING CO.,LTD.)
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EVER GLORY PUBLISHING CO.,LTD., sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2023, gave their critique for the entry, "發光石 Glitter Stone".
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發光石 Glitter Stone
Artist: 愛日莉 MARGO
School: The Hong Kong Polytechnic University
Country/Region: Hong Kong
Language: Traditional Chinese
CRITIQUES
Upon finishing this story you realize that it is about an old man and his daughter who are afraid of the dentist and gain the courage to face their fears. The techniques and layouts read smoothly but the story beats were a bit sudden.
Good points:
The way the scenes were presented easily showed what the author wanted to say:
The candy gets swallowed up by the contamination → the cause of the cavity
The scene where the protagonist uses a hook-like weapon to attack the contamination → Shows us the dentist removing the dental plaque, etc.
Where to improve:
The scene of the grandfather protecting the girl is made to bring out the drama for when she gets the courage to do the dental procedure, but it feels a bit out of place.
For example:
I think you are showing why she doesn't want the treatment but the scene is weak and it's hard to understand.
The dentist wants to express that he understands the perspective of his patients and that he cares about them, but that thought wasn't fully realized. She just remembers the dentist's words and talks to him.
The weapon shown and all the action to remove contamination from between teeth seemed to have little to do with the procedure at the end.
Overall the change from light to dark felt good. I think that you will be able to further improve your storytelling in the future and I look forward to it.
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