MangaPlaza, sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2023, gave their critique for the entry, "Un Nuevo Amanecer".

 

View entry

A New Dawn / Un Nuevo Amanecer

Artist: sxdbxy661

School: Dionisio Ortiz Arty School

Country/Region: Spain

Language: Spanish

 

CRITIQUES

The first (large) panel is used to illustrate the setting with the prosperity of the past, the transition from the past (androids on the street and the city in duress), and the third panel shows the present state of the city.

It would be better to make the first panel the largest and the third panel a little smaller.

 

I think this layout is very good because you can feel the flow of time from panel 1 to panel 3.

The scene where we see the separation from the mother came suddenly, but I think it was good how you showed the change in the mother's facial expression in contrast with the heroine's emotionless expression.

 

The scene in (1) was too abrupt and I could not understand the situation. Was it caused by a natural phenomenon like a lightning strike? If it is a natural phenomenon, it would be better to include some sign that there is lightning in the area in the first frame.

If the mother is not doing well and will break down, it would be more natural to include some foreshadowing beforehand like a sound of a short circuit in her shoulder.

In (2) where the mother's stops functioning, I think it would work better to express that the mother is malfunctioning in (1), with a short circuit, and then in scene (3), the short circuit stops and her power turns off, showing she is completely dead.

I felt that the heroine was too expressive at this stage, despite the fact she was not that emotionally moved after seeing her mother die.

I think it would have been good to just show her surprise in just her eyes. Also, this panel should be used as a strong one and pull us into the next page, so put it as the last panel on the left page.

Also, if you had the panel slightly larger in the next page, it would tell the reader more about what made her surprised.

The previous page ended in a very compelling panel, so I wish you would start with a scene that would match expectations from the previous page.

The scene now is a bit weak compared to where the story went.

Also the sound effects you use don't match the settings in some parts. Try to think of sound effects as part of the world and be careful not to go overboard with them.

In the second panel the "shiin" sound effect is symbolizing silence so you only need to use it once. You can also use it to depict the echoes of footprints or voices.

It seems unnatural for her to have this much expression in ① and ②.

The meeting with the bird is what should start her emotional response, so for now her expression should be limited to her eyes.

③ You should hold back on giving her too much emotion to bring out the contrast between her and the male android (Adam) in the last scene.

The point of the story was not to deliver the letter but to fulfill her promise to her mother (mission), so her expression can be a bit more muted.

The ending connects this journey that has shaken her up emotionally: the death of her mother, the interaction with the bird, and the encounter with the emotional android (Adam). I think this shows in the end in the panel with the android's expression.

To bring out the importance of this scene you need to make sure that she does not make expressions before this that surpass that scene.

(Like show her gradual change in her eye movements and face to be able to express emotions with her whole face)

Her mother must have wanted her to regain this expression, was what I thought after reading this.

 

MangaPlaza

International Comic/Manga School Contest 2023 Winners