Por ti (Critique: GAComic)
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GAComic, sponsor of the International Comic/School Contest 2023, gave their critique for the entry, "Por ti".
View entry
For you / Por ti
Artist: NoNo
School: Dionisio Ortiz Arty School
Country/Region: Spain
Language: Spanish
CRITIQUES
(1st page)
① There are a bit too many panels. Rearrange the top three panels and give more impact to the electro-cardiogram.
② You can draw the electro-cardiogram larger here. You can make the character panel in the middle and have the electro-cardiogram on the sides.
(4th page)
① All the panels have the same camera distance to the scene. Try to add more diversity by mixing up far and close and characters in the right side of the panel versus the left side of the panel.
② You can add in the feeling of someone continuing to walk by making the character continuously going from the left to the right.
③ In the sixth panel, you may want to move the main character away from the rubble in the lower left corner. The protagonist should be placed a little more prominently in the upper right corner and the shadow should be extended back to accentuate the sense of loneliness.
(9th page)
① In frames 5-6 it is hard to tell that he is an android, so it would be more impactful if you could show the screws next to the eyes in frame 4.
(10th page)
① Get rid of the eighth panel and make the angry bird larger in the sixth panel for more impact.
(12th page)
① This is small but he is facing the wrong direction. If you think about where he is standing you should know the correct direction and it will be more convincing to readers. If you get lost it might help to draw a little map as a memo for yourself. I drew an image in red of the scene looking from behind him.
(Final comments)
It was a wonderful, well-paced depiction of death, loneliness, and encounters with friends!
As for the pictures, there was a sense of unity of color and composition on each page.
I was surprised when the main character in the mirror turns out to be an android.
The gentle way the main character touched the bird was also very beautifully depicted.
I think this work was created after careful examination of the assigned text and was fully depicted with your art.
I hope that you will continue to enjoy creating and hope for your future success.
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