BookLive provided its detailled critique on "穿上裙子的他", one of the entries to the International Comic/Manga School Contest 2021.
Pen name: Mie.
School: National Taiwan University of Art
1. There is way too much text right from the beginning. This should be conveyed through pictures or some other way.
2. Since he is the narrator (the main character), his expression should be emphasized.
3. This can be conveyed with facial expressions or gestures. The frame should be larger.
4. In these two pages, you spend your time trying to follow the dialogues and the story. You should find a way to make the structure more natural.
5. This part looks good. It's well thought out.
6. It might be nice to put a little more emphasis on the past appearance.
7. You should draw the character bigger and show expressions better.
8. You could put a small pause here, such as having two frames of silence with the character leaning down.
9. You could make the drawing more dynamic by inserting a panel where Kazusa throws the empty can. The scene seems a bit too monotonous with the long monologue.
10. In the end, since the facial expressions convey a sense of being freed, it may not be necessary to put any screentone on the face.
International Comic/Manga School Contest 2021 Winners